I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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