I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
