Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize