I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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