took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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