If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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