Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
