I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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