my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
My pussy is not your playground.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
