meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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