I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
