I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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