Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
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