I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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