Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
