I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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