happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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