The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
