you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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