You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I just want to make out with him forever
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
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