I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
