in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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