im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
