Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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