im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
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