So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
