All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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