but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
