Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
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I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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