Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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