gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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