Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
