yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize