The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
