Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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