If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
