Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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