This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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