nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
