We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
