I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
