look no pants
Can Purell be used as lube?
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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