Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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