I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
