Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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