Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
