I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
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No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"