Pregnant stripper...not hot.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
