My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
