It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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