You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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