Screwed.edu
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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