i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
