My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
The air taste purple.
Randomize
