And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
