Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
