U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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