i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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