gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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