Porn is love you can see.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
