It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Randomize
