Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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