Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Randomize
