So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
