i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
