Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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