I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
