The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
You've changed since you got that strap on
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
