i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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