so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
