can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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