is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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