He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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