It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
