Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
