yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
