my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
