i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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