goodnight i made you a song goodbye
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
